Way too long. . . September 20, 2009

Yikes!  It has been almost a year since I posted last.  There have been several times throughout that year that I have thought, oh this is blog worthy, but then I just get too busy and blow it off.   But now, things are really picking up in our life and I want to document it for the future.  This is a big one for me because honestly, I like to keep certain things to myself so I don’t set myself up for disappointment or failure.  If I don’t share, then no one knows about it right?  Wrong!  Well it always gets out there so I might as well get ahead of it.  Being the constant control freak that I am.  Oh I laugh at myself for that one.

As I posted on Facebook last week, we know a girl who wants us to adopt her baby.  She is my massage therapist.  When I posted it one of my friend’s husband said, “Wow, she really put it out there.”  I had to laugh because putting things out in the universe makes me nervous.  What if things don’t work out?  What if she changes her mind?  What if we get disappointed?  But before I knew it, I had clicked the keys to enter my status and hit update.  Yikes.

The response I got was overwhelming.  I had not shed a tear until I began reading everyone’s encouraging words!  Wow. . .I knew people cared, but I was just amazed.  A lot of you gave us advise on who to call, or where to get and attorney, or just that you would be praying for us.  It all reminded me that I needed to let in our friends.  There is a huge part of me that just wants to not say anything and just deal with everything on our own and feels so silly when I talk about this adoption.  All of this is emotional stuff and I hate that.  Big surprise huh?  I like things to be logical and organized and none of this is logical.  It brings up emotion.  Like when I talk to my mom about it.  Oh my!  The woman can not talk about it without tears in her eyes.  I have to say it makes me crazy!  I know she loves me and is over the moon for us, but I like to keep it neat.  I feel like sharing is my challenge right now.   But I also feel like that is a place I need to grow in and God is saying “I am giving you something good.  Deal with it!”  I am doing my best.

I have known for about a month that this was a possibility.  It was one night in Aug. when my chiropractor’s office added me to a late night schedule to a girl named Jill.  I had not seen her in about a year and as I look back now I see how God was woven into that night and the conversation we had.   It came up that she was pregnant and that it had been an accident.  She asked me if I had any children and I replied no.  She joked and said, “Well, I am having one in March if you want it.”  I thought in my head, girl don’t even joke about that.  So she began to unfold the story to me and I just listened.  I did not hate her because she had gotten pregnant by a guy she did not love or judge her at all.  I simply thought, wow life is going to be tough for her, how can I help or be a friend?  She is a pretty amazing person.  So she asked me, have you and your husband ever thought of adoption and I said yes, but we just needed the right situation.  Agencies never appealed to us so we have not pursued it.  So she told me that her parents  had been urging her to adopt the baby out because she was not in a place where she could care for it.  She continued on and I just listened.  She finally said you know if there was anyone I would want to give my baby to it would be you and your husband.  I like you both and know you would give my baby what I can’t.  I was stunned.  I actually had not even wanted to get that involved with the baby part at that point because I could hear the doubt in her voice.  But as we talked and shared our beliefs and truths,  we both realized that this could be and answer for both of us.

As I drove home I was simply amazed.  This doesn’t happen to us!  I mean out of no where!   I shared it with Frank and it was hard to describe.  I even have a hard time describing it in these words.  It was just one of those situations that was meant to be.

Well a week later I had another appt. and I thought it was with someone else but it was with Jill.  As the session started she told me she had not even considered adoption until that night.  On the way home she called her mom and cried telling her about our amazing conversation.  She then followed up with calling her cousin who is a family law attorney to understand the process.  Throughout the whole time, I was not nervous once.  I just kept encouraging her to think it through and make the best choice for her and her baby.  I would be her friend no matter what.  We had a great conversation about God and I thought that in the very least I could witness to her.

So after that we exchanged numbers and she told me she was having an ultra-sound in the next couple of days.  I thought about her on that day, but was not obsessed, after all, I had a classroom to set up and that offered a great distraction.

So here we were, about two weeks later, on the way to a Def Leppard/Poison concert with our friends who also have no children and have similar struggles that we do.  Not fifteen minutes before Jill called we were laughing and joking about all the stupid things people say to you when you have fertility issues.  They had asked us where we were at and we simply said that it is on a shelf for a while.  We were stuck in traffic and just wasting time when her call came up on my phone.  I answered and she was very happy and nervous all at the same time.  I was even more stunned because I had not thought about it at all until that point.  I had been so busy with the first week of school that it just escaped my brain.  So after the concert, I posted and that is about all I have done.  I have a really good contact that was out of the country last week so I am going to start there on Monday.

My mom, again through teary eyes told me this weekend that “God has been working upstream this whole time”.  Even though I told her to stop your crying I know she is right.  I have felt for a while that we have been on calmer waters and that we both feel whole again.  I still feel hesitant but when I do I just have to hand it over to God and not worry about it.  I bought a onesie yesterday in the hospital gift shop along with some cute baby frog garland.  My dad told me yesterday that when a person starts to make steps forward that is when God has things fall in line.  I believe that with all my heart.  Maybe I should just go clear out the room that will be the babies and fully set it up.  Hmmm. . .my mind is saying whoa girl, but my heart is saying, “I think you should decorate in browns and greens.  Stick around to see which one wins.

Advertisement