A couple weeks ago one of my facebook friends posted her status as loving the sermon titled God’s delays are not God’s denials. This captured my thoughts because we were on our way to have lunch with the wonderful girl who is letting us adopt her baby. For a long time I felt so fustrated and at a loss to why Frank and I had to struggle so much to have a family. I am not going to lie, I was really angry with God. I felt like He was denying my desire to have a child and I did not understand it. He created me with a LOVE of children and a desire to be a mom. Doesn’t He promise to give us the desires of our heart? I knew I would never walk away from Him, but the cool part is that he allows us to be mad at Him. I am not saying I always handled things well or let myself grieve when I needed to. Every turn we made seem to be a dead end that only led to heartache and more frustration. But in the last month, there has been a light at the end of the tunnel.
A month ago I was in shock that someone would want us to raise her baby. In a way, I still am. After reading all the facebook posts tonight in response to the ultra-sound picture, I have to say, I am excited. Frank and I keep telling ourselves that there are still things that could happen, like the father not signing off on the paperwork, or not having the money or the birth mom not having insurance. You know, little things like that.
Risk. There is always a risk. But I have gotten to the point where I would rather put myself out there and risk than sit and be in a miserable depressed state of just wishing and hoping. THIS situation is the real deal. She is just as excited as we are. She is so happy to have a couple like Frank and I raise her baby. The best part is that she will always be Mama Jill. I can never change that. She is going to give our baby life and nutrients and love, but we will have the honor of taking that baby and nurturing, loving and raising a beautiful human being. So much goes into parenting and she really understands that. She knows we will be able to give the baby things that she can’t. She knows her limitations and as hard as it will be has already began to make peace with it. Isn’t that what God asks us to do? To know our limitations and ask Him for help and assistance? So by sharing with the world, it helps me to ask for assistance and understand how God works.
When she showed me the ultra-sound picture, she said, “Here is your baby!” It still feels weird that my baby is out there in the world in someone else’s body. But I think that is the way it is supposed to be. God loves the little details and providing the answers just in His own time. It is not always the way we picture it or understand it, but He is always on time. He delights in giving us the desires of our heart. God does not delay, He delights!
Beautiful Jen! Your life is bringing glory to God. Thank you for helping us all.
I’m glad I could help.
Jen:
I would so love to know what chruch you attend!!
I really am so happy you are going to be a mother soon! You’re words remind me so much of your fathers. So true, so intimate and so close to your heart. I love you!!! And now that you are just down the corner
My prayers are with you – as you and Frank are now adding to your family!
Lots of wishes, loves and hug!
Neili and Miss Maddie!!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Jen. It has helped, especially right now. We got some not so good news at the doctor’s office this week and I’m having a hard time trusting God and simply don’t understand. I know in my heart I need to trust him, but I feel so many emotions towards him right now. Thanks for the reminder that God’s delays are not God’s denial. I’m going to hold on to that this next week as we wait for more test results.
Amen !! Taking that risk is like stepping out on faith and waiting for the Lord to show us the way to completion and fulfillment.