We expect God to heal. That is His business. We pray for healing of all types throughout our lives because that is what we have been taught to do. But what do you do when the healing takes longer than you want it to? Or for that matter longer than your loved ones want? There is some healing that just takes time and it is different for everyone. I helped someone I barely know from church tonight deal with the pain of loss. I am not tooting my own horn, just observing a time in my life when I can give back what I have been given. And I have been given MUCH. The grace that people have shown me in the past few years is mind-boggling to me. Just when I needed it the most, someone would be there to reach out, understand, or just listen. In the past few weeks I have had the similar opportunity to pray for return the favor to a few of my friends.
There were so many times in the past few years where I would BEG God through the tears to let the hurt fade into a distant memory. But He was not responsible for that, I was. He hates it when we have to hurt and writhe in emotional agony. You just have to consistently deal with our emotions and grief in order to heal. Dealing is like the bandage that you have to change frequently. It is sometimes painful, but necessary to avoid infection. No matter what situation has gotten us to the point of being on our knees, He is there. There are times when God is silent, but the silence does not mean solitude from Him. Just the opposite.
Wounds heal but they always leave their mark. I am finally at a point of healing where there is a scar instead of a scab. I have a scar on my knee from a time I fell running in flip flops as a kid. My dad picked me up, hugged me and gave me his handkerchief. He told me I would be ok and eventually I was. When we lost Brendan, he did a similar routine. But this time there was no blood or easy fix with a band-aid or a hankie. He told me that someday I would not hurt like I was at the time, but that I would never the same. He was right, it took longer than I would have preferred, and I came out different on the other end. For the better because I understand God at a depth that I had no idea about before the loss.
God’s love for us is tremendous. He knows our pain, because He has been there when he had to turn his back on His own Son. Because of that love we are eternally forgiven. I have no choice but to follow. I don’t understand why we have to go through pain and agony. I will never understand why the innocence of children is taken or why people have to suffer tragedies that they never expect. But I do understand the love of God and how His love is a depth that goes beyond comprehension. It leaves me speechless in that quiet moment of inner worship, that only He knows. “You have searched me and know my inner thoughts”. For that Lord, I am eternally grateful. You are more than I deserve, but thank you for the scars because that means we have drawn closer to You.
Jen,
I can see the work of the Lord in your life as you describe your process of healing. It is truly wonderful that you have the capacity to now help others who feel pain as you have. You are now able to testify, with honesty, that in time God will heal the heartache. Praise God.
Your blog is a great way for you to chronicle all you have been and are going through. Keep posting, because memories fade, and I think someday you will really enjoy looking back and reading it!
Amy
I praise God for the transformation his healing has brought to you. When you were in that dark tunnel with all it’s twists and turns, I know it seemed like there would never be a light showing the way out. I know this because I have been there too. Those scars you bare are to be cherished as reminders of our dependance upon the Lord and His faithfulness. Because of your journey, you now have more empathy to others who suffer with similar pain, that you probabably wouldn’t have had before. That’s one of God’s miracles, transforming us so we can love one another the way he loves us.